Storytelling
by Black Onyx Angel
Summary: SLASH. Surprise pairings. Someone tells a story at the other's urging... Language, and sexual innuendos.
1. Storytelling

Storytelling

by Blackonyx_angel and Qraisi

  


A/N: *snicker* it's slash, and there's language in here and the pairings are a surprise... if you can handle surprise pairings... don't read then.

  
  


It was the night of the thief's moon.

  


No, that beginning sucks.

  


Thunder from-

  


No, that one sucks too.

  


It was the night I was shagged by the greasy potions master.

  


Um. It's better, but there's something missing…

  


It was the night I was shagged by my greasy potions professor.

  


Yes! Much better. Now what?

  


So there I was minding my own business, but what should happen when I get snatched into this room by this big, greasy professor.

  


That's kind of repetitive, and I don't think that really happened.

  


Ok, fine. I was in the dungeons cleaning up a big mess that Malfoy made earlier, and I hear these noises.

  


Noises? What noises?

  


Well, erm… they were kind of… 'moaning' noises.

  


*Raise eyebrow* Moaning noises?

  


You know! The kind you get when you um… erm… *waves offhandedly* You know.

  


Oh. You mean 'those' noises… *nods* Go on, then.

  


And so anyways, I hear these moaning noises.

  


You said that already, lets move on.

  


Well, anyways, I go in to investigate.

  


Investigate where?

  


You know, Snape's office. I took a quick peek through his lock.

  


And?

  


Well… he was there… Just moaning… uh… you know.

  


*nod* Go on.

  


Well, so anyways, I'm here watching, and I guess I was breathing too hard, but he heard.

  


He heard?

  


… Yeah.

  


Well. What happened?

  


At first I thought I was safe because all he did was stop and look around.

  


Wait a minute. What was he doing again?

  


You know… Um… that thing.

  


*raises eyebrow* Exactly what thing?

  


He had a talk with Rosie and her five friends, ok?

  


*blink* Ooh. Ok. Go on.

  


But then he stands up and just swoops right to the door and opens it.

  


Seriously?

  


… Yeah. Would I lie to you?

  


*pointed look*

  


Oh, don't look at me like that.

  


Fine. What did he do?

  


So, he sees me just sitting there breathing all hard and stuff, and he took it the wrong way.

  


Wait, why were you breathing hard?

  


Well, I thought I was gunna get caught!

  


Ok, fine. What happened next?

  


So he takes one look at me, smirks, and says 'Enjoying your little peep show?'

  


That's it?

  


Well… no.

  


Well, what else did he do?

  


He… um… drag'dm'nto'isof'ice.

  


*blink* He what?

  


Draggedmeintohisoffice.

  


*double blink* Ok, one more time, he what?

  


Dragged me into his office. *exasperated sigh*

  


*snicker* Then what happened?

  


What do you think happened?

  


*silence* … *leer*

  


Don't you start too.

  


Don't start what?

  


Looking at me like that.

  


Who else looked at you like that?

  


*waves wildly* HE did.

  


Snape did?

  


Yeah. Why do you think he dragged me into his office.

  


To give you a dressing down, was my first guess.

  


Well, yeah, he did dress me down, but not in the way you mean.

  


*laughs* He didn't.

  


*rolls eyes* No, I'm lying to you.

  


*rolls eyes too* Prat. Just get on with the story.

  


So anyways, he 'dresses me down' and says something about how I must have really been enjoying the peep show.

  


*raises eyebrow* Why would he say that?

  


Well… um… *blush* I sort of had a problem.

  


*smiles* How big of a problem?

  


Um.. about seven inches.

  


*amused* …

  


Oh shut up.

  


*holds hands up* I didn't say anything.

  


You were thinking too loud.

  


*shrugs* Whatever.

  


You were.

  


*sigh* Just get on with it.

  


So he grabs me.

  


Grabs you where?

  


Well… uh… on my… problem.

  


And…?

  


… He pulled.

  


*smirk* … Was it good?

  


*blush* None of your business!

  


Oh, come on!

  


I'm not sharing with you. Get your own teacher. I hear McGonagall has her eye on you.

  


*shudders* No thanks, I got Malfoy.

  


And do you share your little intimate secrets with him, with me?

  


*blink* Yes.

  


Ok, fine. Yes! It was good.

  


What happened next?

  


I forget.

  


Liar.

  


So bite me.

  


*bites*

  


Ow! *whack*

  


You told me to!

  


Oh shut up.

  


What happened next?

  


He sat me on his desk.

  


And you never uttered one word against what was happening?

  


Most of my words were pretty garbled up.

  


How come? He have his tongue down your throat or something?

  


As a matter of fact, he did.

  


His tongue or something else?

  


His tongue.

  


Ok.

  


And well, he didn't actually sit me on his desk.

  


Then what did he do?

  


He more or less draped me on top of it.

  


Stylish.

  


Oh shut up.

  


Fine, next.

  


What else is there?

  


You said he shagged you, but you haven't mentioned any shagging.

  


Ok, fine! He shagged me till my brains turned blue from the bruising.

  


That good?

  


Something like that.

  


And I don't get any details, huh?

  


*blush* No!

  


Fine. *smirk* So, when are you seeing him again, Ron?

  


Actually… *looks at watch* ten minutes ago. Gotta run. See you, Harry! *zooms out the door*

  


*snicker* See you, Ron. *turns* Draco, you can come out now.

  


End


	2. Tell Me Another Story

Tell Me Another Story

by Blackonyx_angel and Qraisi

  


A/N: *snicker* again slash... a little language, mixed with humor... and you get this... o.o' um... there's a few more pairings... but they're all Ron and someone else... we've done it! We've made Ron into a slut!!

Q/N: 'Moose cake'... that is all I have to say about this one.

  


Ron, I'm gunna kill you.

  


*blinks sweetly* Why whatever for, Harry?

  


*growl* Did you have to do that?

  


I don't know what you're talking about.

  


*grit teeth* McGonagall.

  


You know, she's always liked you, how is she?

  


*glare* ... *starts toward Ron*

  


Hey, it would have happened whether I did anything or not.

  


*stops* You're such a liar.

  


Am not!

  


Yes, you are.

  


Not!

  


*rolls eyes* Whatever. *smirk* How's Sevvy?

  


Oh, um... fine.

  


*raises eyebrow* That didn't sound too convincing.

  


Well, er... um... I mean, How should I know?

  


Ron, we've already established you're shagging the man.

  


Oh, wait... We did, didn't we? He's fine.

  


You know, Pansy has her eye on you... I'm sure I could get her to... 'approach' you.

  


What for?

  


*evil smile* Why, to get you back. Of course, she'd approach you in Potions...

  


Oh yeah, that'll be good. What are we trying to do, get Snape to kill her?

  


You know, I didn't think of that...

  


You wouldn't, would you?

  


*glare*

  


So, what did McGonagall do?

  


*runs hand over eyes* Pinched my bum in the middle of the hallway.

  


Ooh. Who saw?

  


Malfoy, for one.

  


That's all. You know, McGonagall is a bit of an exhibitionist.

  


And you know this how?

  


*blush* I have my sources.

  


*gapes* Dear Merlin. You do get around, don't you?

  


I do not.

  


Oh really?

  


Yeah, I sort of just... yeah.

  


*starts ticking off* Me, Snape, McGonagall, Seamus, Dean, Neville, Hermione, Remus... anyone I miss?

  


*glare* I did not sleep with McGonagall.

  


*rolls eyes* You don't have to sleep with someone to fuck them.

  


Well, I didn't do that neither.

  


Then how do you know about McGonagall?

  


Neville told me.

  


*faceplant*

  


What? Oh and there was one other.

  


Who?

  


Malfoy. *sweet smile*

  


What?! When?!

  


Ask him yourself.

  


*starts heading toward Ron*

  


Hey! It's not my fault! He approached me.

  


When?

  


Ask him yourself.

  


*threatening note enters voice* Ronald.

  


It was awhile ago.

  


Define awhile.

  


I don't know.. I can't remember.

  


Before or after Draco and I got together.

  


I think it was before.

  


*eyes narrow* You think?

  


Well, ask him if you want to know more specifics.

  


But you're here now.

  


All I know is that it was after Neville and before Hermione.

  


*stops* ... *thinks* ... *sits down* All right, then.

  


When was that?

  


When was what?

  


When was I with Malfoy.

  


A few weeks before he and I got together.

  


Oh, ok.

  


Hence the reason you're still alive.

  


I think Snape would kill you before you did any real damage. A mite clingy that one.

  


Is he really?

  


Actually, yes. Also a cuddle-er. Surprised me when I found out. Never thought he was a cuddle-er.

  


I didn't need to know that. So, he really would kill Pansy, then?

  


Yeah.

  


*evil smile*

  


What was that look for?

  


We're gunna be one Slytherin short before the end of term.

  


That's not nice.

  


Are you really gunna complain?

  


No, but it won't be pretty.

  


True, and it'll probably get Snape fired.

  


Oh, he'll make it look like an accident.

  


Damn. I was hoping we could get a new potions professor.

  


That's not nice. At least wait until I'm done with him.

  


I make no promises.

  


Not even for me. *bats eyes*

  


*smiles* Especially not for you.

  


Aw, sense when have ever done you wrong.

  


You never told me you slept with Draco.

  


You never asked.

  


I never asked about any of the others, but you told me about them.

  


So?

  


So... so you never told me.

  


I didn't think it was that important. It wasn't one of my longer exploits.

  


Define longer.

  


It was only for a few days or something, wasn't it?

  


Are you telling me you don't remember?

  


Well, I get them all mix up sometimes. You try keeping track of seven flings.

  


*rolls eyes* Eight, Ron. Eight.

  


See.

  


*shakes head* 

  


What?

  


Is it a bad thing that I know your flings better than you do?

  


No. I think it's always good to have a manager.

  


You're gunna have to start paying me soon.

  


How many rolls in the hay a week you want?

  


You're lucky Draco isn't here.

  


I think he wouldn't mind sharing.

  


*snort*

  


And if he wants, he can join in too.

  


We're not going there.

  


If that's what you want.

  


*glare* Oh shut up. *thinks* You know, I think the time you've been with Snape is the longest ever for you. *blinks* Is this turning serious?

  


Nah.

  


No? You've been with him for almost a week.

  


Well, you have to stick longer with the clingy ones, or they vengeful. Remember Neville?

  


*shudders* How can I forget?

  


But it wasn't my fault. Told him at the get go I didn't plan at staying long.

  


*rolls eyes*

  


Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a study appointment with Snape and Remus.

  


*gapes* You little slut.

  


End


End file.
